A Quick Visit Makes All The Difference

To be honest, I haven't had the greatest summer. I've spent most of it moping around in self-pity, hating my job, and wishing to be elsewhere. Specifically, I spent it looking forward to July 31, the day I would make a pilgrimage back to Acorn, and looking backwards at my internship, wishing it hadn't ended. I do regret this; I think I could have made infinitely better use of my time if I'd approached things differently. Still, I went back to Acorn and have come home again, and it's time I tell (at least some of) my stories.

When my road trip started drawing to a close and I started recognizing familiar territory, everything started to feel incredibly surreal. I had this strange, "I must be dreaming," feeling, and yet I was quite literally physically shaking with excitement. I greeted friends, and then I had to meet the flood of unfamiliar faces.

Saturday night (August 1) Acorn had a rave, and when I arrived the day before, the place was bursting with people, many of whom I'd never met before. It was very challenging for me, trying to figure out who had what connection to the community. Who was an intern? Who was applying for membership? Who was just there for the rave? Who had been there since June? Who had only just arrived within the last week? I have been away just the slightest bit longer than I was ever present, and there was at least one woman who had arrived days after my initial departure. Finding someone technically (by time span in any case) more a part of the community than I had ever been who I had never met at first disconcerted me. I still remember the feeling, although it seems silly now, just as I knew it to be then. Gaining some level of comfort with new faces at Acorn was the first important step last week in finding the peace I was seeking.

Then there was the party Saturday night, which involved music, dancing, and yes, drugs, though I did not partake. (Walkabout may be over, but school was never the real reason for me to make that sort of decision) Really, I feel as if most of what I needed to get from my visit came only after the rave, but I did manage to have fun, hang out lots with Jess, and discover gleefully how many Twin Oaks members who I'd only met once or twice still remembered me.

Early in the week, both before and after the rave, I feel as if I mostly feel as if my social needs for the trip were addressed. This meant both that I was able to get to know new people and reassure myself of my friendship with people I had heard from only rarely (if at all) over the past two months. I've really come to realize what great friends I really do have at Acorn and I feel almost foolish for having doubted that. I came to feel even closer to a few of the members than I had over Walkabout, and I came to fully understand that I really can come back whenever I want/can manage to do so. Thank you everyone (in case you're reading this), you're wonderful.

Then there was the fine art of paying homage to all the little shards of my soul that had been sprinkled throughout the property and coming to terms with the fact that not only the social landscape, but the physical landscape of Acorn had changed. Most significantly, two building projects that were passed during my internship have actually seen some work (there's a bunch of tree houses being built behind Heartwood, and the foundation (?) for Bucket's natural building workshop project has been laid) and the garden is growing! The beans I planted are being harvested! Plants I helped grow are gone! Plants I've never seen before have sprouted! I ran around the garden, feeling like some crazy relative that comes up to you when you're young and exclaims, "look how you've GROWN!" And this was all well, except for the part that I've gone from knowing nothing, to feeling exceedingly competent, to not really knowing what's going on anymore. By the end of the week, I at least felt I was pretty sure I knew what plants were growing where again, and I had helped out with enough things in the garden to feel I'd left at least a small imprint on things. I have my fancies anyway.

Basically, I've made the cognitive leap to truly understand that things are happening and changing outside the world that I directly experience and feel--and it's OK. That doesn't make me belong any less. I don't know how many Walkabout students leave their placement feeling as if they've discovered a second family, but I know that I have. Again, thanks everyone. Can't wait to see you again ;)